There really is no greater teacher in our lives than relationship to show us the truth.
Very often in the paradigm of personal development & evolution we can begin to formulate identities and spiritual egoic ideas around becoming the best version of ourself. Learning the A,B,C's of relating, meeting our shadows and healing our wounds... all to become the integrated version of you that's " got this" Yet when we are met with the intensity of the moment, when our adaptive tendencies arise.
When we are in the trance of unworthiness, when it is felt right in the gut, like a kick in the stomach, when the anger surges or the tears
start to flow, when the freeze arises or the desire to run away occurs...
Many times people feel disappointed they didn't do the NVC right, they didn't expresses them selves more "consciously' or projected etc.
Our self image gets challenged. The part of us who believes " I got this relating thing" " I've done my work"
But when we are there, in the thick of it, no matter how many years of personal work you've done... when we meet ourself in that deep, unbearable pain of vulnerability... what remains when the ideals of our perfect, conscious, integrated identity falls away?
Direct, present moment relating from somatic intelligence is the ground of all relating. Beyond narratives and identity. Beyond structures and forms.
We we drop into the moment, into the breath and Be with....
Be with the intense sensation, the shame, the shakiness and deep love and empathy for your humanity and...
Then, you do actually " got this"
But not the "got this" that perpetuates a certain identity.
"Getting the relating thing " isn't at all about becoming the best, most perfect version of yourself
.
And it's when I'm on the floor, snot, tears and all, I remember this.
It's about being really fucking honest.
Honest about who I am, in the present moment.
What is here, right now. As I sit before you.
Honest about who I am, outside of relational structures of
"How to when"
Masculine/feminine polarity relating
NVC models
Attachment theory models..
Outside of any and all concept that my mind wants to grip onto to make meaning of what is happening ( I'm expert at that btw)
But rather relating from the direct, felt sense of somatic intelligence.
What do I notice in my body, where is my breath and how is my breath, what is my body posture / expression communicating, what emotion is here, what images arise, what thoughts are here, what assumptions am I having right now.
Do I want them to come closer, or move further away, or both ?
What do I feel is true, what can I reveal, even if it breaks my self image to pieces.
What do I need right now to bring more spaciousness to this inquiry with my body wisdom right now ?
Can I allow all those parts to be welcomed, to breathe, to speak, to feel, to be felt and to be seen.
This,
This is what love & relating is to me.
Right here, in this moment, meeting myself and you as we are through the wisdom of the body.
-Maanee Chrystal
Founder of the Somatic Institute For Women.